if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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