I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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