do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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