It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
