dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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