There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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