Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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