alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
