I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Randomize