well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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