I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
smell my finger.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
organizing the empties. That sober.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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