Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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