Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
