the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
