The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
