i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
