pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
