Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
