i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
