He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
