i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
