well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
