so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
