apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
