today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
