the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
