he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
