my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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