2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
