9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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