i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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