Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
