I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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