Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
