That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
