you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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