why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
