How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
