why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Are my feet made of real feet?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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