I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
