My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It's just like the Real World with babies
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
