What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
