Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
