I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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