I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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