drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
