It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
