I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
