fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
