went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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