i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
