Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
