She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
