i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
